As everybody knew going into the game, it was literally a must-win contest for the Dodgers, as the magic number of the Cardinals was one for the final playoff spot in the National League.

—–

Buster Posey started the scoring in the top of second inning with a homer off Chris Capuano.

A Luis Cruz RBI groundout knotted the game at one, but Joaquin Arias broke the tie with a homer in the top of the third.

Yes, seriously. Joaquin Arias.

Then Marco Scutaro extended their lead in the top of fifth inning with a two-RBI double.

A.J. Ellis, the miracle man, responded with a two-run homer to right-center in the bottom of the seventh to draw the Dodgers within one.

Two batters later, the turning point in the game happened, as Mark Ellis was gunned down by about eleventy billion feet at third base on a ball hit into the gap.

I mean … what the fuck?

Immediately after that, Shane Victorino tripled, and while I always say that baseball results don’t exist in a vacuum … wow it was tough to watch.

—–

In the ninth, as if to torture us further, Andre Ethier singled to lead off the inning against a lefty reliever, which is a miracle in itself.

So bring in Dee Gordon to pinch run and either let him try to steal second or just let A.J. hit, right? Nope, try to bunt with the guy who got the game to within one in the first place! Don Mattingly everybody! His 2012 season coup de grace.

I mock the move because even assuming a successful bunt, there’s a 5.3% drop in the chance the Dodgers win, and that comes without context. With context? A.J. is a quality overall hitter with .375 OBP skills and you’re going to bunt with him for either Elian Herrera or Bobby Abreu? Does this even make sense to traditional managers? Good lord.

Results-wise, sure enough, A.J. got buntfucked. Bunt attempts put him in a two-strike hole and he eventually struck out. As if to taunt us, Dee then stole second successfully, but Abreu flew out to left.

That set up M. Ellis for an attempt at redemption.

What else can you say?

Hank Schulman went insane yesterday, translating a sequence of events and reactions from the Dodgers/Giants game in the most illogical way possible, basically so that they would fit his narrative.

Many fans here booed when Kemp misplayed Melky ball, didn’t reach Arias RBI single.If that’s what they were booing, they’re total idiots.

— Henry Schulman (@hankschulman) May 8, 2012

Honestly, I think Schulman has lost his fucking marbles. That’s my honest assessment.

—–

Dodgers fans didn’t boo Matt Kemp when he actually made the error on Melky Cabrera‘s single, as it was silent in the stadium, probably because they were worried that the Giants just put the tying run on.

Then Joaquin Arias singled to center and the tying run scored. Fans proceeded to boo.

Now, any reasonable person would conclude that Dodgers fans were booing the fact that their hated rival just tied the game at one in the sixth inning, but Schulman?

Oh no, my friend.

Now I’m getting Tweets saying fans weren’t booing Kemp. Just booing a Giants run. What a load of crapola. They were booing Kemp, period.

— Henry Schulman (@hankschulman) May 8, 2012

How in the flying fuck one concludes that fans were booing Kemp instead of a game-tying single is beyond me.

The hit was a clean single that landed about 15 feet short of Kemp and 5 feet to his left, meaning that either the fans were booing Kemp’s effort on a line drive single OR that the goddamn Giants just scored the game-tying run.

Hm…

So just to recap, the fans didn’t boo Dee Gordon when he tried to make three errors on a single play in the previous inning, and the fans didn’t boo Kemp when he actually made the error on the play Schulman was talking about. Yet, Dodgers fans apparently decided to bust out the boo birds on Kemp because of a clean single to center that nobody on this planet would have had a shot at catching.

Oh yeah, that certainly sounds more plausible than booing the Giants.

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe fans were expressing deep-seated hatred for Joaquin Arias.

— Henry Schulman (@hankschulman) May 8, 2012

Dodgers fans were expressing a deep-seated hatred for the Giants scoring the tying run in the sixth inning. The Dodgers and Giants, they sort of have this rivalry and stuff.

You know, kind of like how Giants fans chant “BEAT L-A” in the third inning.

Now they’re chanting “MVP, MVP” for Kemp. These really are the worst fans in baseball.

— Henry Schulman (@hankschulman) May 8, 2012

To be clear, I’m not criticizing fans for MVP chant, but for doing it after booing Kemp on defense.

— Henry Schulman (@hankschulman) May 8, 2012

Jon Weisman already handled this ridiculousness from a different angle, but I wanted to comment from my perspective as well.

Not only has Schulman convinced himself that fans were booing Kemp instead of the fact that the Giants tied the game, he actually managed to convince himself that Dodgers fans did a complete 180 on their views of Kemp within an inning of play and suddenly decided that he was the MVP.

WE’RE AMAZING!

Maybe though, just fucking maybe, Dodgers fans actually love Kemp, hence the “M-V-P!” chant (which happens all the time), and they were actually booing the Giants as a team during the previous inning because it’s the Giants they hate.

MAYBE.