Adam Kennedy is batting fifth (yes, fifth) for your Los Angeles Dodgers today, so in honor of that event, I thought I would breakdown a swing that he took against Clayton Richard of the San Diego Padres yesterday.

IT’S SUPER IMPORTANT!

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Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: “Down by one? No problem. Adam Kennedy’s here to save the day. Sitting dead red because that’s how Adam Kennedy likes it.”

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: Look how strong and hopeful he looks here. Like a proud lion confident that he’s about to rule the plains. Save that image in your head for contrast purposes later.

Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: “Throwing Adam Kennedy a fastball? LOLOLOLOL!”

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: You can tell he thinks he recognizes the pitch here. If you look closely, you can almost see his eyes get wider because he thinks he just got a fastball up in the zone. Yeah … oops.

Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: “I would be rofling right now if I wasn’t about to crush this baseball like Juan Uribe does the post-game spread. Tie game, incoming.”

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: Shit.

Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: “Aw fuck, is that a slider?”

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: Shit.

Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: *Sigh*

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: My favorite part about this is the look of resignation and utter defeat on his face. It permeates the screen and should be used as a flawless example of emoting in acting school.

Adam Kennedy Thought Analysis: “Now I’m gonna get mocked by the blogs again…”

Adam Kennedy Swing Analysis: I enjoy how his head automatically goes down, as if he knows that he’s just started a race to see who can type out the most clever “Adam Kennedy sucks” tweet.

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Seriously though, he sucks.

Now enjoy him going 5-for-5 with 5 home runs today because I wrote this.